It is heartbreaking that this is not much different in the church. A lot of Christian communities have low-key idolized marriage and family. Jesus is no longer the ultimate delight/treasure. We say He is, but still feel incomplete, lacking and mostly lonely if we are unmarried especially after a certain age. Sadly many single Christians are not fully satisfied in Christ.
Based on what the Bible says, this is wrong. Ultimate satisfaction and fulfillment should be in Christ, everything else is a bonus. Marriage is not compulsory, in fact the Bible says it is better not to marry in order to be free of its demands/burdens and be available to serve God more.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35 "But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction" NKJV
The irony in all this is the fact that marriage is probably one of the hardest thing to do in life. I never knew the extent and ugliness of my selfishness and pride until I got married. I have had to learn a lot, and I am still learning. A truly successful marriage requires a level of selflessness that does not come naturally. Reason why divorce rates are at an all-time high in our currently shallow, anything-goes, self-centered, pleasure-seeking world.
Growing up, I hoped to get married in my early twenties and have my first baby at twenty-five. I got married at twenty-seven. So I definitely went through my "waiting" phase. I understand what it is to wonder why it is not happening especially when you are trying to honor God by being sexually pure. I know what it means to watch those around you fall in love and get married while longing for the same. I understand what it means to watch movies or scroll through social media, and desire to personally experience what is portrayed.
This year makes it five years since I got married. Considering my personal experience, and the understanding God has allowed me to have so far, I have these three tips for any single lady out there who is praying for a husband. True, I had to wait a while for the right person, but in those years of waiting, I can humbly and honestly say I got a handful of proposals. Just in case you are skeptical about where this advice is coming from :)
As you explore the complex, treacherous and even dangerous dating scene as a single lady, these are three things I will advice:
1. Be authentic. Do not try to be who you think a man wants you to be. Do not try to be who you think will please X or Y. Just be you. And be confident in who you are. God created lots of people who will love you just the way you are.
2. Do not be eager. Allow yourself to be pursued. I do not care if this is 21st century, God's principles remain the same, and women were made to be pursued. Just the way men were made to be drawn to challenges. Do not be afraid to "play hard to get", you cannot easily chase away a man who truly wants you. Now "playing hard to get" must be done wisely and politely. There is definitely nothing wrong in positioning yourself to receive a man's affection (like Ruth did with Boaz). But out-rightly pursing a man who has shown little or no interest, hardly ever works.
3. Stay busy. Idleness fills your head with stupid ideas. Idleness gives room for foolishness. And trust me, Satan is at your door just waiting for you to give him an opportunity to mess things up for you. Idleness is also what makes many people feel "lonely". Fill up your time with work/school, church, hobbies and personal projects. Spend time with people as much as you can, good company of course. Do not stay at home and feel sorry for yourself. Give your time and energy to others. Just be intentional about it and take time to look for opportunities to be a blessing, you will find need all around you.
In all these, be WISE. Trust your instincts and seek godly counsel.
All the best.
Great advise there even for married people!
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