Years ago I watched this TED talk by Chimmamanda Ngozi Adichie that first introduced me to the idea that one can form strong opinions based on incomplete or inaccurate information. I am still baffled at how common it is to hear one side of a story and confidently pass judgement. Sometimes we even take action based on such flawed judgements.
When King Solomon had to judge a case between two women (1 Kings 3:16-28), he heard two versions of the same story. He had to use wisdom to discern who was telling the truth.
Wisdom is absolutely necessary for correct discernment. Stories can be crafted to elicit a specific response, therefore they are a powerful tool for manipulation, whether used intentionally or not. This can be seen clearly in three areas of life:
- RELATIONSHIPS - when there is conflict between two or more parties.
- MEDIA - for political, social or economic gain.
- RELIGION - for manipulation and control.
In the relationship context, one-sided stories are usually proliferated by gossip. Gossip tends to share one version of a story. And even that version would be inaccurate based on how many times it has been told.
It is important to note that as humans we are hardly objective when emotions are involved. Thus a story will be told based on one person's perspective... and there is always a difference in perception and interpretation of events when more than one person is involved. It is difficult to narrate a story by objectively stating facts, especially when one is connected to it.
Proverbs 17:9 He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends. (NKJV)
As Christians we ought to be aware of how dangerous gossip is. It is not a harmless sin. It has the power to destroy relationships. If we are pursing peace with all, we must be mindful about what we say about others and gracious enough not to share or comment on the mistakes of others.
Let us also remember that as humans we are prone to taking sides, and different things will influence us when choosing sides: emotional connection to the situation/parties involved, facts presented to us, and the mindset/paradigm through which we evaluate the facts.
So what is the point of all this? To help us be aware of how susceptible we are to falling for a one-sided story. So how can we consciously avoid this?
- Avoid gossip. It has a way of sneaking up on you, but once convicted, find a way to end it or extricate yourself from the conversation.
- We must be intentional about taking initiative to complete a story we are invested in. Hear all sides of the story before passing judgement.
- Be aware of how any emotional attachments may be influencing you or clouding your judgement.
May God help us pursue peace in all our relationships.
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